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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

If You Give Your Husband A Cell Phone.....

He might call you and ask to run one little errand on your way home.

and this little errand may not take you on the most direct path back to your house, but that's ok because you know where you are going, it's for the farm, and it's the first day of harvest.....

Until you realize that the road is closed between you and your destination..... so you call your husband  to see how to proceed....

But even though he has a cell phone, he has no clue, so YOU get the brilliant idea to go one mile east then three miles north because that should take you past the closure and then you can head back west and to your original road because most roads in Indiana run true north, south, east, and west in one mile increments unless you are by a river or something, which we are not......yet.

So  Joyous of joys!  You found your destination, picked up a thermometer for the grain bin, and set off for home, BUT you do not go back the way you came because you live west, and going east would be silly.....

Until you meet another obstacle called an interstate that interferes with your true north, south, east, and west roads.

So you turn on your navigation system in your van.  It tells you you are not driving on any road, and St. Rd. 18 you are looking for is not important enough to exist, at least at the level of magnification you need to show you where it is and you are at the same time.

So you keep heading south, after going one mile west or so, keeping an eye out for civilization, ANY sign of it, but the only sign you see is the STOP sign that Grandpa Joe missed when he pulled out right in front of you!  He is amazed that anyone else would be traveling this road!  You feebly wave him on through the intersection that was almost your last and keep heading south and west looking for a paved road of any type!

So then your cell phone rings, and it's your husband wanting to know where you are!

And you would really like to tell him, but you honestly have no #$*^%!@#$^%$#&*! clue exactly where you are; you might be in White or Benton County.  The Magic 8 Ball is still out.

So your husband asks if you can go to Dayton for him!

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?"  (You are yelling a bit loud even for a cell phone conversation because this place is WAY EAST AND SOUTH  of where you are trying to go!)

"SERIOUSLY ?!?!?!?!??!?"

"Yes!  I have to grind feed, and I am out of calcium carbonate and urea!"

Great!  Now I am wishing I had hit the bathroom at Menards!

"OK!  As soon as I find 18 I will head back to I-65 and go to AMERICUS!" (Note this is NOT Dayton!)  Men and directions/places ?!?!  What is it with that?

So you find 18, I-65, SR 25 right before the 5:00 traffic hits the half constructed round-about (DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT~!), and you find the feed guy's place, and call Hubby as instructed......

"Go to the southwest door; it should be opened," he says with a somewhat fading voice.

So you go to said door, and it is locked, as are the next two, and you still are thinking of the urea and thinking that you really have to go!

The last door is UNlocked, thank heavens, and you think you will celebrate by finding a nice big pine tree, until you realize that one of the dogs you hear barking is on YOUR side of the fence and coming to see YOU!

You quickly call Hubby, haul three 50 pound bags of feed needs into your van, shut the door, find, St. Rd. 25, I-65, St. Rd 18, your house, and your very own potty.

And as you finally relax, you wish you had your cell phone so you could send your hubby on a "little errand"!

Then you go to feed your hungry children pancakes for supper and realize you do not have enough milk, which means you have to go to town....

So you call your husband's cell.......

6 comments:

  1. I about peed my pants reading this! I have to give my hubby props in this area... when I got my car stuck in the mud, I called him to get me out. When he asked me where I was, I told him I didn't know. He asked what I could see nearby, and I told him "corn." Not so helpful. But he found me!

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  2. I about peed my pants reading this! I have to give my hubby props in this area... when I got my car stuck in the mud, I called him to get me out. When he asked me where I was, I told him I didn't know. He asked what I could see nearby, and I told him "corn." Not so helpful. But he found me!

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  3. Oh, I was laughing sooo hard!!! Been there!!!

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  4. LOL! I love this! I believe something like this has already happened to me!

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