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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

6 Questions NOT to Ask a Farmer....

I love working with my Real Farmwives of America blogging buddies.  We pretty much speak the same language and live the same lives.  Today, as she usually does, Jent Campbell made me chuckle.  She writes for her blog, From My Front Porch AND Indiana Prairie Farmer, and her post on Prairie Farmer's website is the one inspiring today's post.  She talks about "5 Things I Have to Repeat to My Children," and that got me to thinking about what we say/ask/tell each other all the time around here.  The girls aren't heavy into the farm chores yet, but Tall Guy and I have several anecdotes to share...

1.)  "Did you know there is a pile of beans/corn back there?"  Be it harvest or planting, this falls under stating the obvious because someone either overshot the grain wagon/semi or spilled seed while filling the planter.  A bag of beans runs about $80.00, so piles are not a good thing to point out.  It will usually result in a nasty look from the farmer and the asker being told to grab a shovel and put them back where they belong. Thanks to my neighbor for reminding me of this one as we chatted on our morning walk.

2.)  "How deep did you say that was?"   Refer back to this post......... Enough said!

3.)  "How long do you think I will be out there?"  Many is the time a simple cold drink run will turn into an 8 hour trip.  Things break down, and I have to run for parts. I end up helping them load the planter, or moving them from field to field.  I have just learned to use the bathroom and grab a snack and drink for myself before heading out to the rescue!

4.)  " How much did _________ cost?"  I've talked about this before, but when you go from paying the bills of a single teacher to paying the bills of a farmer.....there is Sticker Shock!  $300 for ONE tire, and that's on the small side; bigger tires = much more $$.  A bag of beans costs $80.00 on average.  When I say there goes my new house down the road, and point to the combine, I am talking my beautiful spacious house with a pool and cottage!

5.)  "Where are you?"  This one used to mess me up every time I had to go out to find my guys.  Each farm has a name, Hawkins Farm, Brothers' Farm, the 80, the 160, Benner/Grogan Farm and Silver Leaf.....I'm getting much better at finding these farms by name, but some days I still have to ask.

6.)  "Huh?"  This is probably the one I use the most and Tall Guy likes the least.  You know how husbands and wives sometimes do not speak the same language right?  Bump that up a couple notches, add mysterious hand signals, and you are headed for a "discussion."  Case in point:  The other day TG needed to feed hay, and I went out to help him.  Yes, I went back in to the cow lot, and thankfully all material  on the ground was pretty well dried up!  I had to open one gate, shoo all the cows off the lot and shut that gate, then open another gate to let him in the south lot.  After we were done, he told me to "put the gates back like they were," so I closed the two gates that I opened for him and headed back to the tool shed.  He catches up with me and asks me
"Why didn't you let the cows back on to the lot?"
Me:  "because you didn't tell me to...."
Him: " That's what 'putting all the gates back the way they were' means!"
Me:  "Really?  Then you should have said, 'and let the cows back onto the lot!'"
It was an Amelia Bedelia* kind of moment.  

*Amelia Bedeliais a character in a series of children's books who is very literal with directions...If you tell her to dress a turkey, she puts clothes on it!

Like I have said many times, life on the farm is never boring.  And some times you need a secret decoder ring to understand our communication snafus.

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